Back on the treadmill today after a holiday weekend. Usually I would allow this break in the action to throw me off and keep me from success. I just used it as an opportunity to step up again and restart.
I am feeling the weight on me. It is so heavy on my body,on my soul. I have a huge belly that bubbles over and overhangs. Self conscious about my arms. Thighs that are probably bigger around than they are long. When I exercise, the weight hurts my back. I ache so badly, but I persevere as best as possible.
The good news is that I did not hear anything from my doctors today. The tests from thursday must have come back normal, otherwise they would have contacted me today. Cell phone was in my pocket all day.
The fear of loosing everything has made me gain weight. The fear of loosing everything has made me loose out on life experiance. I need to get over that and its not going to be easy. My shoulders tighten at the thought. Tears come to my eyes. Shame washes over me. Its such a personal experiance. My voice leaves my throat.
Today I stood up for myself through 20 minutes on the cycle and 10 minutes on the treadmill.
Its just about time to take the next step. I need to join up with a diet program. Start to make the pounds actually come off. Start to make myself truely emerge.
Ready for another new begining?
Amy
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