First Steps

First accomplishment on the new journey;  I joined the gym and did a mini workout.  Spending about 15 minutes on the bikes and an additional 5 minutes on the cross trainer was enough to get the feel of the place.   Probably could have done a bit more, but my gym partner needs a bit slower pace.  Will go there myself at some point and try it independently. 

It feels like a bit of weight has been taken off my soul.  Walking in there, fear pulsed.  The people were friendly.  Though I was probably the heaviest person there, it was not all thin or well muscled people.  People of all shapes and sizes that were taking their own paths.

Fear paralyzes my life.  One of my secret confessions in life is that I have allowed myself to be restricted by fear, especially encouraged by others.  I allowed my life to be shrunken and lonely.  Now I am trying to learn how to break free of that.  Change what I can, accept what I cannot to paraphrase the famous poem that fits for everyone.  Learn to stand up for myself, express my beliefs and walk my own path without looking for the approval of the strong individuals in my life.  I am a strong individual underneath it all. 

My main partner in life is not interested in participating in this journey.  Thats sad to me.  His resistance to change in life is one of the reasons I have gotten so stuck both mentally and physically.  Instead of stepping out on my own, as I should have, I found myself relying on him and others for guidance and permission.  I have placed his opinions to the side and taken my own needs above his this time.  Even if my gym partner steps away, I will move forward this time.  I have to.  This is my chance and I dont want to miss it. 

I am changing the way I look at my food.  Right now I dont want to diet or even really restrict what I am eating.  Just change my perception to a new keen awareness about what I am eating.  Look for color, especially deep greens.  More veggies, less processed stuff.  You know, all of the advice that is touted on every single magazine/tv talk show/nutritionists desk.  Pay attention and just allow a natural change to the way I do things, instead of doing something for the sake of change. 

Today I took the first physical steps.  Feeling excited and celebrating the first step towards my new life.  One tiny piece of something is taken out of my baggage and thrown into the cosmic garbage. 

Amy
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